Night Time Television

Some people are creatures of the night. The night is often my friend, but recently it hasn’t been. I have been having great difficulty getting to sleep. The morning comes. It greets me with birds, sunlight, and the rummaging of people getting ready to start their busy days. Well, last night I was unable to sleep, so I stayed up to read. It was after much laborious reading that I had a novel (no pun intended) thought: I should turn on the television.

The television, of course, provides us with a wealth of possibility: a cornucopia of mainstream, mindless, entertainment. I was not in the mood to think, but my search for brainless television came to a capricious standstill when I came to a “religious” infomercial. I listened to the sharply dressed, snake-oil, reverend such-and-such rattle off one-liners about donating thousands of dollars in order to receive a “Jehovah Jireh” and a blessing. Spoonful after spoonful of squalor: the hallmark of the prosperity gospel. The snake oil minister spewed theological buzzwords in order to justify “giving in order to receive” – Jehovah Jirah, blessing, covenant, miracle…all the while attempting to reinforce his spurious claims with fragments of biblical texts. And by no means was this charlatan an eloquent man – his circumlocution and evasive speech about “giving in order to receive” was sobered by a little watermark disclaimer on the bottom of the screen: “Making a donation does not guarantee that a miracle will occur.” The infomercial also showcased a gospel choir (which appeared to be a crop of college kids) and stock footage from the 80’s of people talking on the phone, accepting donations.

I simply could not believe what I was seeing. I turned off the television, walked into my kitchen, and poured myself a drink. And after watching that – I couldn’t help myself. It was as if that oily, “internet certified,” reverend such-and-such had given me, my colleagues, and my years of studying, a big middle-finger. I don’t plan on turning on my television anytime soon.

-Dan