Donde esta el sol?

(sunshine)

My current Facebook status reads: "Jennifer misses the sunshine."

Seriously, where did the sun go? Why is it so afraid to shine its beautiful face in Minnesota, my beautiful homeland? What did you do while I was away?

If I were in CPE and presented this issue to my group we probably would have come to the conclusion that my missing the sun is transference from missing or grieving internship.

It's true. I do.

Internship was in Sierra Vista, AZ. As the crow flies, it is about 20 miles from the Mexican border. It is high desert, so imagine the perfect climate all year round. Imagine also, if it is at all possible, a brilliant, resilient, faithful and kind congregation of saints. On top of it all, imagine, if you can, a seasoned supervisor who was worth his salt.

I'm wondering if there is a delicate way to say this, but, it's difficult to come back from having responsibilities, having a say in how things are run and having people actually look up to you to not. We come back to receive more than we can give, to be one leader among many leaders, to be just another student than an intern or pastor.

It's difficult, but I think it's also important.

Important to remember where we've come from and where we need to grow and go. Important to remember that we are in the middle of a beautiful if painful process. Important to remember that who we were as interns is not who we will be as pastors and this year of development will benefit us greatly, even if today we are ready to take off the training wheels and soar.

It's also important for those of us who had wonderful internships to remember that we were lucky and that many of our friends and colleagues were not as lucky. This year for them might involve a reaffirmation of sorts, or a great venting session, or maybe just time to breathe after a suffocating year.

Whether it was a good or bad year, or even just an okay kind of year, this adjusting takes time candid conversations, and, in my case, a little sunshine.