Discernment

There comes a time in the life of every seminarian when she or he reaches a crisis of discernment. The questions: “What am I doing?” and “Where am I going?” are no stranger to the seminarian. These questions linger our minds, arousing suspicions about our capacities and capabilities. “Am I truly called by God to do this?” is a question, no – a doubt, that haunts the seminarian. Indeed, second guessing is nothing foreign to us.

Then there’s me: What am I going to do now? This question has seared within me like a hot coal for some time now. The question of whether or not I should attempt to surrender my MA, commence an MDIV, and all the while complete my MTH is a difficult one. The more that I look at my MA degree audit the less attractive it looks: mostly A’s with B’s here and there. Even more – my undergraduate work was quite mediocre: nothing to write home about. I have a bitter taste in my mouth. I am unsatisfied.

To the seminarian, sleepless nights are no stranger. For me, every morning greets me with bigger, scarier questions about my vocation. Sleep is the enemy. Should I “chalk up my losses” with my “ok” MA? Should I lose time, money, and credits, all the while gaining more vocational options by making the shift to an MDIV? I will certainly do my doctoral work, but where and when I finish it will be altered by this decision. Funding is an issue. Time is an issue. I pray that I have the strength to resolve them. This is my time of discernment.

-Dan