I See Dead People (About Once a Week, Actually)

Regular readers of my postings (the few and the strong) may have stumbled upon my little biography along the right hand column of the Life at Luther homepage. Those of above-average observational powers may have read that I espouse the title "Funeral Director Assistant" (FDA) and wondered what that entailed. So since I'm memorizing Luther's Small Catechism right now, I'll proceed explaining my mortuary services in a question and answer format.

How did you get this job?

A fellow at Luther worked for the funeral services company for which I now work and lived in the same dorm as my friend. My friend and I were talking about his new job as a FDA and I asked him if I there were still openings. The original fellow gave my name to my current boss and now I’m picking up the deceased.

Do you work for a funeral home?

I do not work for a funeral home, but rather for a funeral services company. We only do transportation of the deceased. We have contracts with funeral homes and cremation services in the Twin Cities area and when they are unable to perform pick-ups themselves they call our company to undertake the removal.

Do you embalm people?

My company is not involved in embalming. I do however get to witness folks in the process of being embalmed because we often drop off the deceased in the mortuary parlor where embalming takes place.

Are you a hearse driver?

The funeral services industry does still utilize hearses, but recently other vehicles have come into fashion for doing transportation of the deceased. My company has a Dodge mini-van and a Ford Expedition modified for the cots on which we move the deceased. The windows have a special “Undertaker Tint” for privacy. (My bosses tell me that they have even been pulled over by the cops for having their windows too dark. When the officer looks into the van, however, he quickly realizes upon a quick perusal of the back, that no laws have been broken in our case.)

Where do you go and get these people?

We transport the deceased from wherever they happen to die: homes, hospitals, and eldercare facilities. We do not have any contracts with county medical examiners so we do not pick up accident victims or violent death victims currently.

Why in the world would you volunteer to go and do this?

I am training to become a pastor and pastors need to be familiar with the funeral process and the presence of grieving people. Pastors will accompany families as they mourn the death of loved ones and I feel that I need to garner some experience with the grieving, funeral, and burial process in order to be an effective pastor during those times.

Does it bother you, that is, does it “creep you out,” when you see these dead people?

To be perfectly honest, every time I see a deceased person for the first time, I feel a little upset inside. I would be afraid of mine own state of mind if I wasn’t upset a little by death. On the whole, however, I am okay. Death is a part of life. Plus, somebody has to come and remove the dead. He might as well be me.

How much do you get paid?

I work 12-hour shifts and receive $50 per shift. Technically, I receive $25 per removal and I get paid for two removals per shift no matter if I do those removals or not. A break down would work like this: per 12-hour shift—1 removal=$50, 2 removals=$50, 3 removals=$75, 4 removals=$100. We also get paid $0.50 per loaded-mile for a removal beyond our coverage area.

Do you have shifts without a removal?

One of the glories of this job is that I get paid whether or not someone dies. When no one dies, I get paid $50 to do my laundry, study my homework, or write my blog. I must remain ready to go, however, at all times during my shift.

What is the procedure on a typical removal?

1. I receive a phone call from the funeral director (one of my bosses) who is working during my shift. I get dressed in my suit and tie and drive to the location at which our van is parked.
2. The funeral director and I, the funeral director’s assistant, get into our company van and drive to the location at which the person died.
3. We greet the family, the nurses, or the person in charge at the site of death and have them fill out the paperwork. For families especially, the funeral director makes sure they have enough time with their loved one and offers to answer any questions they may be having. At this point, I just stand silently to the side and estimate our route into and out of the location of the deceased person—bedroom, bathroom, hospital room, etc.
4. We bring the cot alongside the deceased person. We wrap the deceased person in a sheet and with the sheet transfer him or her to our cot. We secure the deceased person to our cot and zipper a cloth cover over them.
5. We load the cot with the deceased person into the back of our van and drop him or her off at the funeral home.

So there you have it. If I did not answer all of your questions, post them in the comments section. I will do my best to respond without violating our privacy policy.