How do you take your caffeine?

I'm beginning to understand the almost sacred relationship that Lutherans have with their coffee. So many people here depend on coffee to make it through that long day of classes, or that long meeting, or that long 15 minutes between Chapel and Discipleship on Wednesday mornings. When I joined the ELCA in 2003, I had a sense that coffee is an important part of the Lutheran heritage, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how important it seems to be! One of my jobs in the student services office is to make sure that fresh coffee is always available. So when I come in in the mornings the first thing I do (if it hasn't already been done) is to brew a big pot of coffee. Then, over the next hour or so, at least three other offices in Northwestern Hall also come downstairs to use our industrial sized coffee brewer. Usually by then it is about time for me to brew another pot. And so the coffee dance begins.

Over the course of the day dozens of people stop in and say, "I hear there's free coffee in here." Yup, there certainly is. I've even become so familiar with the cycle of faculty and staff that regularly stream through the office for coffee that I can usually tell when the pot is nearing the bottom, just based on who's dropping by. "Oh, Rod's here again that means it must be time to brew another pot." When we hear the tell-tale empty gurgle coming from the pot, a look of panic appears on the face of the coffee seeker. "How long will it take you to brew some more?" they ask.

Here are the "truths" about coffee as far as I can tell:
1) Every office at Luther must have an endless supply of coffee available beginning at 8am and ending at 5pm every day.
2) Every meeting that is held on campus must also include coffee.
3) Every special event or lecture must also include a coffee reception afterwards.
4) The best way to show a Lutheran that you like them is to offer them some coffee.
5) Coffee is an incredibly effective tool for both hospitality and evangelism.
6) Coffee breath is impossible to eradicate, so just get used to it.
(Feel free to keep adding in the comments section.)

Since I am among friends, I feel the need to confess something:

I don't drink coffee.
I don't even like coffee.
I only ever drink coffee for the flavored cream and the sugar.
I like tea.
Can we still be friends?

I hope that my aversion to coffee won't be a problem for me in my first parish. I hope that my parishoners won't hold it against me that I probably won't be drinking the famous Lutheran church basement coffee that I've been hearing so much about. Either that or I might need to start drinking my tea out of an opaque mug so everyone just assumes that it's coffee, or I could just cover it with a paper bag and steal sips every now and then when I think no one is watching. Then again, we'll just have to see how long I hold out before I too may be converted into coffeedom.