All Saints

Today is my first All Saints Day. No, not the first one I’ve ever experienced, of course. But the first one that I’ve recognized a new saint on.

I’ve had grandparents die. One died when I was very young, two I wasn’t very close to and one died after a very long life and several years of severe Alzheimer’s. Until this year, I’ve been blessed to not have any close friends or family die. This changed in February when my mom died at a pretty young age after a terrible fight with breast cancer.

I know what All Saints Day celebrates. We are celebrating the fellowship of all saints and especially remembering those individuals in our lives who are now living, as Professor David Lose wrote on WorkingPreacher.com, “in the nearer presence of God.” (I really love that wording).

This has presented me with a struggle, though. See, while I believe in Christ’s promise, and I know my mom is in a better place, I would much rather have her with me. I don’t want to spend today remembering the saints who have gone before me. I spend every day remembering the saint missing from my life and I wish she were here. I cling to the understanding that I will see her again and it will be a joyous meeting and it is a better place for her (especially after watching cancer ravage her body). But I miss her and today, where we celebrate those who are in a better place, I’m a little angry and I really just want her back.