A “Noob” Conundrum

When I was in college I played a lot of video games with my friends. We wielded a veritable arsenal of nerd “slang” to insult, harass, and verbally abuse each other. The worst insult of all was to call someone a “noob” - a derivative of the term newbie. And what is a newbie? A “noob” is a term employed to critique someone’s play style, directly equating them (regardless of skill level) with a person who is new (or unfamiliar) with a particular game. One wouldn’t think that this punctuated word would arouse anger in anyone, but it often did (and still does). My college roommate coined the term “noob conundrum” to describe a paradoxical problem that has a seemingly obvious answer, but nonetheless remains a troubling debacle. I experienced a “noob conundrum” today as I was coming home from the Saint Paul Humane Society. I stopped by the society briefly this afternoon to donate some of my recently deceased iguanas worldly possessions; heat rock, heat lamp, feeding dish, and plastic plants. I couldn’t help myself from visiting the dogs. This was problematic. When I visited the dogs I noticed a beagle-lab mix that looked almost identical to Cooper. I couldn’t help but think of the day I got Cooper. He was so lonely! This pseudo-Cooper wasn’t a male dog, but was a beautiful gal named Betty Boop (what a stupid name)! I contemplated bringing Cooper’s “sister” home, but I realized that this would likely be a poor choice. My fiancé was less than thrilled at the idea of another animal in the house. So here’s my noob conundrum; I want another dog, but I know that I do not need another dog. Have you ever been in a situation like this? I guess I’ll pray on it.

-Dan