The Anticipation is Killing Me!

There are only a few days left until graduating MDiv seniors who are going through assignment and first call find out our regional assignments! The big day is on Tuesday, February 20th and I simply can't wait. It's on all of our brains--everytime I speak with a classmate who is at the same stage as I am, the first question asked is usually, "So, what regions did you request?"

For those of you who are not in the middle of candidacy, it might seem odd that so many of us are fixated on our regional assignments--I mean after all, each of the ELCA regions do take up rather large geographical areas. It is not like we are going to find out the name of a town or a congregation, or anything that specific. But I do think that regional assignment represents something bigger than just where in the country we might be living in a few months.

It seems that opening up the envelope on Tuesday represents the first step in a great leap of faith which we are all taking together. In going through first call, we, along with our families, are asked to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide the process and help us to end up in the place where we will begin our vocation of pastor--carrying along with us the message of the gospel (or maybe it would be more apt to say "letting the message of the gospel carry us along"). Naturally, many of my classmates can feel the sting of skepticism from time to time. It is our lives and our livelihood that are on the line here. And let's face it, there are not a lot of careers outside of the ministry in which a person lets someone else decide where they are going to be living for the next few, if not several, years. It's not easy to let go of that choice.

I know I feel that anxiety on a regular basis. Every once in while Kevin and I play the ever so frustrating game of, "What if..." Like, "What if there isn't a church for me right away and our student loan bills come due and we end up broke and I have to get a job doing something I don't like until something comes up?" Or "What if I end up with a good match but you can't find a job in the field that you want and end up having to do something that you don't like or can't find a job at all?" or "What if I get a call to a church only to find out when I get that it is not what I thought it was going to be, then what do I do?" It might be somewhat cathartic to play this game for a few minutes, but ultimately I'm not really sure it is all that helpful. It can be quite powerful to name our fears, but there is a fine line between naming our fears and letting our fears get the best of us.

So until then I guess I will just sit tight and wait--wait for the wild ride of the next few months to begin with the opening of a little white envelope, which will contain a little number, which will have a huge impact on my future.